by David Mason
I have a big problem..and I was wondering if the past life procedure would work for this.. My boyfriend does not like my past(2 years ago) and it is haunting him everyday. It is stressing him out and it's all that's on his mind. He loves me a lot but he wants to forget about this past of mine.
Can you explain what kind of hypnosis and what happens during the procedure? We both will have to go through it because he wants me to forget my past as well.
There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with having a past. So you don't need any therapy. I am quite willing to do something in hypnosis with you that will satisfy your boyfriend but nobody can erase memories. It is just not possible. If things in the past are bothering someone it is possible to stop the memories bothering them in the future, but the memories will still be there.
As far as your boyfriend is concerned it would appear from what you said that he has some form of anxiety and/or a rumination disorder. He is obsessing over things that really shouldn't be bothering him. Wiping away your memories is irrational and won't help him. Nobody can wipe away the knowledge that events occurred, but there are mental exercises that can allow the person to come to terms with what is upsetting them.
I have dealt with similar things before, men who couldn't stop thinking about the fact that their wife had sex before they get married, even when it was years before the husband never met whoever it was.
I can help your bf to deal with the general anxiety problem, and I can teach him mental approaches that will allow him to accept that although you have a past that the future for both of you will be better. He will probably need several sessions.
by David Mason
I was talking about what one thing hypnotherapists do badly that they could improve on. The common thing that most people thought was a mistake was the hypnotherapist talking too much.
We all do it. We are supposed to find out what the client really needs so we can plan an intervention. But it seems to me that the therapist's enthusiasm often results in the the therapist talking instead of listening.
It is very tempting to tell the client what you think instead of focussing on what the client thinks. Often the client is confused when you reflect back to them what they have been saying, or need to take time to think about what they think, and just need a bit of space. But too often the therapist jumps in because they don't like the silence, and feel thay have to be doing something.
Although some therapists feel uncomfortable with silence, silence is a very effective technique to allow the client to collect their thoughts. And if it goes on too long, the right thing to do is to ask 'and what are you experiencing now?' and let the client tell you what is going in their mind.
by David Mason
I occasionally read one of the various hypnosis discussion groups. And every time I do, I get disappointed. I used to follow them avidly. But then I got enough experience to realize that most of the posting were made by the same small group of six or seven people. As I got to know them I realized that they tended to advocate the same techniques over and over for everything. I then got to wondering about just how much these daily posters knew.
And that was the crux of it - daily posters. If the contributor to the discussion group is posting every day, what does that tell you about how much therapy they are actually doing? Someone with a busy practice will be working with clients most of the day and will not have time to read, compose and post answers frequently. Yet many of the 'experts' are able to answer any post, day or night, within a few minutes. To me that signals that they actually are not good therapists, because a good therapist should be a busy therapist. So the paradox is that the advice being dished out to newcomers is actually coming from those who are not active practitioners, and exactly the type of person who should not be posting advice.
by David Mason
I had a lovely request today from an organization in the US for permission to use quotations about Solution-Focused Brief Therapy. They found some wording on my website they they want to include in a book on resiliency. It has the working title The Resilience Advantage and is scheduled to be published in 2014.
I replied that I was very happy for them to quote extracts from my website. It is nice they had the decency to do so.
There are several websites of wannabe hypnotherapists who have decided to save a lot time and just cut and pasted entire pages from my website on to theirs, then had the nerve to put a copyright notice on it.
There are even more websites where it is clear that the wannabe hypnotist has read my site closely and has used the strucure of my pages as the basis for theirs: all the headings are the same and follow the same sequence.
Then there are the hundreds of serial tweeters who have run out of ideas for tweet postings and systematically go through my Affimations and Quotes lists and steal one a day to tweet out or put on their blog.
It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I have also heard it said that imitiation is the sincerest way of showing the world your total lack of orginality. I know which one I favor.
by David Mason
I had a client today who said that she was afraid of stopping smoking. She has only given up once for about a month. She thinks about it all the time when stopped.
She described how she gets irritated and grumpy when she can't smoke.
I wonder if this is another example of black and white thinking? She feels irritable because she is no longer able to use the smoking to get away from the stress the way she should used to, and that means that she has the stress and she feels she shouldn't have to, which makes her throw it all up and take the cigarette.
This makes me wonder about people who say they think about smoking all the time: are they actually ruminating?
by David Mason
I had a first today with a client. This client was excessively nervous, hardly surprising since she came in to deal with anxiety. She was a tiny woman but grossly obese. I started to talk about her behaviour and what she might do to prevent it. I outlined some situations where this or that might happen and she said to me 'Do you mind if I eat?' I thought I had misheard and I asked her to repeat what she had just said. She then told me that she carries around with her a bag of butter cookies and she nibbles on one every time she feels anxious. She was feeling anxious right now so she wanted to start eating a cookie while lying in the chair talking about her anxiety!
by David Mason
Last night as we put the light out I was about to say to my wife 'sweet dreams' when I realized that 'sweet dreams' is actualy the last thing you would want to wish on someone.
The purpose of dreams is to allow the mind to resolve things that have not been resolved during the day. Dreams also are an outcome of processes by the unconscious mind. All dreaws are expressed as metaphors. This is why then seem so bizarre. Each element is a symbolic representation of something that is held in your mind and the action of the dream represents the interaction between different parts of your mind. The essential aspect of a dream is that everything represents you, every part is a part of you.
I recently had a dream of having to go into a large multistorey building. Outside was an Indian looking couple in a four poster bed with rich drapes hanging down. Around the couple was a large group of angry people. The couple in the bed were looking very apprehensive. But I felt compelled to leave them there and go into the building. Inside the building I got lost in a confusing mess of different rooms, stairs, lifts etc., and while trying to find my way I realised that the couple in the bed were going to be stoned to death. I thought that I had to get out and stop it but I couldn't find the way out. Eventually I did get out and back to the place but the crowd had gone and there was just a huge pile of rock there. I thought to myself' 'well, there was nothing I could do about it really, it is not up to me to interfere in other people's cultures' and I went on my way.
This sort of dream is full of violence and feeling trapped and the exact opposite of a 'sweet dream'. However what the dream represents is two parts of my mind. One part is not longer useful to me in living my life: old ideas, self beliefs and similar. That is represented metaphorically by the couple in the bed. The other part of my mind wants to get rid of those old beliefs, feelings or whatever: represented by the angry crowd. I got lost in the building as a metaphoric way of not interfering consciously in the cleansing process.
It only through this type of dream that you make changes in your mind and learn and mature. The person who first came up with the wish for 'sweet dreams' didn't know what they were talking about.