Accepting your child is gay

Accepting a gay Child

having a gay in the family

Parents of a gay child have to come to terms with learning that their child is gay. Learning your child is gay is often a great shock. Many parents cannot accept that the child they love is gay, is different. The parent feels ashamed, that they have failed, that others will mock them, that their child has betrayed them. Some parents reject the gay child and refuse to talk to them.

This script is designed to allow the parent to see things differently. This hypnosis script uses metaphor, visualization and Erickson suggestion to help the parent of the gay child to come to terms with having a gay child in their life, so that they can be comfortable with saying 'my child is gay'.

Accepting my child is Gay Therapy Script

	Hypnotic Induction
	So settle back now, get comfortable... and close your eyes.....
	Now take a deep breath, and hold it.... and .... just let it all go.... ahhhh...That's good...		Start releasing tension
	When you are ready.... take another deep breath...... and as you do... lift your shoulders up... and as you breath out.... let them slump down and relax.		Let go muscle tension
	Now lift your arms slightly.... and on the next breath out... let them drop down naturally.... and as those arms go down, relax your whole body		Let go muscle tension
	And I wonder if you could imagine what it would be like if your arms and legs had become so heavy ... that you just could not move them... that they felt as if they were made of lead...	D	Dissociation
	...and just allow that heaviness to grow
	... and now I would like you to focus on your breathing.... just become aware of the gentle in and out of your breath...	D	Dissociation
	And as you think about your breathing... with each breath out... just allow your body to relax more...	I	Dissociation
	and you could become curious as to exactly how relaxed you can be...
	...and focusing on each breath out will let you relax and settle down a little deeper... each time you breathe out....		Deepening
	...while you think about that....		Ambiguity
	and a little more relaxation after every breath... that's good....	D	Deepening
	and continue breathing gently... relaxing....
	And as an experiment, for the next ten breaths.... you could start counting each breath out... counting down from ten down to one.... as you breathe out... say the next number under your breath... or think of the next number... if you can...	I	Deepening
	allowing each breath to relax you more... and as you relax completely... as you say each number quietly to yourself... you might find that those numbers are disappearing....you may find it harder and harder to know what number comes next... and you can relax those numbers away... if you want to... those numbers can just disappear completely... with each gentle breath.... as you drift down and down...	I	Make the listener aware that they are in trance now
	And as you become aware of that at some level... that means that things are going exactly the way they should be...		Reassurance
	... and your mind is opening now...	D	Seeding
	Accepting difference as OK
	Things have been changing... and change is a fact of life...some things have to change... and everyone has to change with it...		truism
	You are feeling mixed feelings... you are going through a lot... anger... sadness... shame... shock... guilt... at what has happened... and that's to be expected...		empathy
Behavior	those feelings are the first steps towards change...	I	Reframe
	Think of all the things that he could do... that was different... and think about how you would accept that change... thank of what you could accept... and what would be difficult...	D	imagine more changes
	Maybe you like blondes... but he likes brunettes... would that be OK? Would it change how you feel about him? Maybe you like fishing or bowling... and it turns out he doesn't... would that change how you feel about him?		Incremental change
	Suppose he chose someone from a different race... how would you go about accepting that? Would you think he was different?		practice changing
	Suppose he chose someone much older... would you learn to accept that?		more practice
Capability	Because what he does, does not change who he is... who he really is... what has changed is your way of looking at him... and you can learn to change that too...
Memory	Remember the love you felt when he was born... that feeling is still there... he is still that same child...		Reframe
	It is not your fault
	and as you are lying there... breathing gently... hearing these words... and every word ... every sound you hear is making you relax more deeply now...	A	Deepener
	and as you are relaxing in that chair... you can imagine being in another chair... in room with certificates on the wall... rich furniture... a calm professional room...	V	authority figure
	and as you are sitting in that chair... an expert is explaining something to you.... something important...
	and says to you... 'It is not your fault'...'it wasn't anything you did... it wasn't anything you didn't do...' It wasn't anything to do with how he was brought up'... it wasn't anything that anyone else did to him either... it isn't something you can be protected against... '		quotation suggestion
Rule	There are things that are outside your control... you can't control the color of eyes your child will have... or how tall he grows... or how smart he will be... these things are a random result...		examples of diversity
Rule	No one is to blame... no one is at fault... no one did anything wrong... some things are what they are... they don't have an explanation... they just have to be accepted...	I	Acceptance
	There is no shame in being gay... it is as natural being left handed... unusual... unexpected... perhaps...	I
	but not everything turns out the way it was expected... what you expect and what you get is just how life works out...		Reframe
	Remember, it wasn't what he expected either... you wanted a wedding... grandchildren... a normal life....
	Well so did he... and no matter what some people say... he has no control over what happened to him...		Reframing
	See it from his point of view...
	'And think of it from his point of view... a child cannot choose the color of eyes they are born with... or the color of hair they are born with... '
	'a person cannot choose their sexuality any more than they can choose not to feel hungry or choose not to go to the bathroom'...
	'it is not a matter of choice... when the dice were rolled... when he was born... that's just how the numbers came up... some people win, some people lose... but everyone has to play... '
	'and think back to what you hoped and wanted when he was born... what you wanted for your child was to be happy... a career... someone to love... someone to love you and help you as you grow old...
	you can still have that... you can still help your child have a warm loving home... you still important in his life... perhaps more important than ever...		Reframe
	You don't have to understand... what you have to understand is how he feels...		ambiguity
	He is frightened... of what is happening to him... unsure of you... wants to be accepted like before...		Point of view
	he is still the same child you loved... brought up... he hasn't changed... he has been gay all along... you just didn't notice...		Reframe
	And ask yourself... what has really changed? He looks the same... sounds the same... he is the same... the fact that he hasn't turned out the way you expected doesn't mean you can't love him now... you loved him before... you accepted him before when he was gay... what has changed? What is changed that really matters? You still have your child. And your child still needs you...
Behavior	he needs you to reach out to him... to accept what has happened... to both of you... and you can help him...
	Metaphor - relations with your gay child
	I wonder if you can imagine a room somewhere... and many people there... and someone starts to tell a story...	V	Extended metaphor
	in a land far away from here... there was a king... a king who was strong and proud and created his kingdom by his own actions... who built a strong castle and everything was in place for his son to take over... to rule that place for many generations... and the king was proud of what he had done and sure of what he wanted his son to do...		Parallel situation
	The king trained his son to be a warrior like him... to act like a king should...		Expectations
	But his son somehow wasn't interested in all that... his son preferred a different life... a gentler life...		Refusal to live that life
Identity	and the king saw everything he had worked for going to nothing... he felt betrayed and insulted... he felt he was being rejected... this son whom he had created and fed and loved, this son whom he had invested everything in... had rejected him and everything he stood for...		Feeling rejected
Behavior	so the king refused to talk to his son... sent him out of that place... told him... 'you have made your choice... now live with it.... you are no son of mine'. He threw him out of the castle and banished him from his kingdom.		Reacts to rejection
	and the King withdrew into his castle ... and grew bitter... and life had no pleasure for him...		Suffers
	and time passed... and King tried to forget about his son... but he couldn't
	and he began to neglect his duties... to let things slide... he was no longer the proud man he had been... competitors took advantage of his absence... began nibbling away at his kingdom... a bit here... a bit there...
	until the day came when his grand advisor told him that the treasury was empty... and the people were unhappy... the lands neglected...
	and the King was in despair...
	Until the advisor said... 'but there is someone I want you to meet... '
	and the King saw a young man... richly dressed... confident... successful... and then realized that it was his son... the boy he had rejected those years ago... had come back...
	and the King thought back over all those years of loneliness... and embraced his son... and welcomed him back...
	Even though I have nothing left... you are my son... and I leave it to you...
	But the son said... 'I came here to honor you... I have worked so hard to earn your respect... I started trading in silks and dyes and now I own warehouses and merchant ships... enough to restore you to all you used to have and more... if you will only accept...		Accept
	And King said... I do accept... I accept everything you bring... but most of all accept you, my son...
	and ever after, the future smiled on them...
	Direct Suggestion Section
	You can be proud of your child... it is about freedom		Reframe
Rule	your child has choose a loving relationship... to decide who to share love with...
Rule	People have a right to live their life the way they want to... to love who they want to... in the way they want to...
Rule	No one can tell you who to love. No one can tell anyone who to love. To love is to be human. All love is natural and normal and should be enjoyed for what it is... a fee expression of the purest motives a person can have...
	There isn't enough love in this world... we need to celebrate it all... everyone needs love to fulfill their life...		truism
	Visualization Section - public acceptance
	and now imagine yourself in that room... with all those people gathered round...		Metaphor for a new life
	and you put your arm around your son... and you look around the room... and you say in loud clear voice...	V
	I am here to tell you that I am proud of my family... all of them... I am proud of my son... my son is gay... and I accept that he has to be that way... it is not what I would have chosen for him... but I choose to accept what he is... he had always been my son... and he will always be my son... No matter what there will always be a place for him in home... and there will always be a place for him in my heart...		Public affirmation
	Now I understand that some people have trouble with that... that is their choice... I have made my choice... and I choose to love my son the way I always have...	I
behavior	and if anyone isn't happy with this, then they can take it up with me. Because the only happiness that counts here is my son's happiness... and I will do whatever it takes to make sure he can be happy...
	and suddenly one person starts to clap... and then another... and then whole room is standing applauding... applauding you... your strength... your courage... your love for your child...
	and into that room comes that feeling that everything is going to be all right...	I
	Visualization Section - a satisfying life
	allow your mind to think ahead... to another time.... another place... many years from now...		Metaphor for a new life
	and see you son... in a wealthy setting... with photos on the wall... on the tables... photos of you... photos of the family... smiling...	V
	and photos of famous people... shaking hands with him... handing over awards... certificates...
	and he has a home to be proud of... and he has found contentment... he knows who he is and what he wants...
	and he is at peace with the world...
	and he comes to you and say... 'Thanks.... I could never have made it without you... your support made all the difference... I have had it tough... but knowing you were there for me if I needed you got me through... I love you more than I can ever say...
	Thank you for being so wonderful about everything...
	Ego Strengthening
Identity	And you can be proud of yourself... for coming here... for choosing to take action... to face up to things... and proud of your mind for its strength... its ability to change... to release you....
Identity	you have an inner strength that no one knows about...
	You have suffered so much in your life already... nobody knows the heartache and pain you have had to go through... and that has made you strong... that has given you the strength and courage you will need to go through whatever comes next...	>
Capability	You know that you have the inner resources you will need to succeed... to adjust to what life has brought you...
	and when you start on your new path... you will be surprised at how many people want to help you... support you... to take you as you are... in whatever you choose.		Reframe
Behavior	Because it is up to you to choose now.... you can choose to stop living a lie... to be free... to be open is to be free...	D
Rule	and it is never too late to do the right thing... you can choose to be happy... to live fulfilled and proud of who you are and who your family is....	D
	You are not alone... there are many parents like you... who went through the same thing... and they came to terms with it...	I	Perspective
Behavior	Give yourself time... and don't waste the time you have left...	D
Rule	What your child most needs now is acceptance...	I
Behavior	You can talk to him... accept him as he is... and love him as you used to... and be proud of him... things have changed and you are changing too...	D
Behavior	So take as much time as you need.... to think deeply about how to design the best possible life for you and keep all the people who are important to you in your life...
Capability	Because your mind already knows what to do... what is best for you... and how to do it...	I
	Reorientation
	And so with those thoughts in mind... in a moment you can count from five up to one in your mind... and when you get to one you will be back in the present, ready to start on a different path... walking proud and free in open air... and ready to enjoy the next chapter of your life...
	So when you ready... start counting from five up to one... now.